It has been about four years since my husband left, and I’ve been in a few relationships, been on some dates – most of them ending badly. I thought maybe the dating world has changed, but I’m thinking it’s more that my perspective on dating has changed. One HUGE factor is that prior to my divorce I had never dated as a mother. In case you missed it when I said it before, this is HUGE! Changes the rules completely! I’m not just looking out for little ol’ me anymore. I’ve got a mini-me to consider too.
Before my divorce, the last time I dated was when I was 23, just out of college. Maybe it’s just me, but when I first started dating again, that was the age group I seemed interested in. Maybe it’s because that’s where I last remembered dating. I soon discovered though, that this age group was no longer suitable for me. I was a mom now and this age group, for the most part, was not able to handle it well.
When I got into dating men my own age or older, the question of “He’s 32 and never been married & has no kids? What the heck is wrong with him?!” came into play, further complicating the dating thing. As a single mom trying to date, I also get a lot of “advice” from others – “Don’t let him meet your kid right away” (not always easy to avoid), “Is he well-established?”, “Will your kids get along?”, “Does he want more kids?”, “Don’t move too fast.” It’s almost nauseating.
So after another dating fail, a friend caught me in an emotionally distraught state and talked me into creating an online profile on New Year’s Eve. Eek! I had never done online dating before and had sworn I never would. So much for that. But as a work-from-home mom, with no family around and not being from the area, it seemed I had little options.
I wasn’t about to do one of those sites where you have to pay to set up a profile or send messages or whatever. It was embarrassing enough to create a profile. Paying for the services just seemed like prostitution, so I found a free one. Probably not the way to go…
Some of the guys on there looked like they were on drugs (probably were) or just out of prison (probably were). Many of them seemed to just want an “intimate encounter”. Umm, no thanks, Mr. Herpes, I’ll pass. Let me tell ya about some of the photos I saw on there, because some of them were really entertaining. I took my own to give you some examples, because I’m just that awesome.
First we have the infamous “bathroom mirror reflection” photo, not smiling because that’s too friendly: